Thursday, January 22, 2009

Ball of Confusion

I am at a point in my life right now where confusion reigns supreme. It infects nearly aspect of my existence like a nasty case of chicken pox. In fact, if my existence had nostrils, I'm sure I would find confusion there too.

Let me give you a rundown.........

In the past eight months I have:

1.Been divorced
2.Moved out of my house in McKinney.
3.Quit my job.
4.Moved to Seattle.
5.Found a job.
6.Got my own place.
7.Considered dealing marijuana just to pass the time.
8.Only kidding about #7

You can see just from that short list that upheaval is the word of the day, week, month, and perhaps even the year. It is a well known fact that upheaval breeds confusion. See? We have come full circle in our journey. We are back to confusion.

This confusion manifests itself in a number of ways, the most obvious of which is a rather acute case of malaise. What is malaise you ask. I will enlighten you.


 /ˈleɪz, -mə-; Fr. maˈlɛz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ma-leyz, -muh-; Fr. ma-lez] Show IPA Pronunciation
a condition of general bodily weakness or discomfort, often marking the onset of a disease.
a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort.

In my case, it is definitely the second definition that applies. Things that I derived so much pleasure from before now do little for me. Reading, my 360, painting, going to the gun range, etc. None of it appeals to me right now. I am in survival mode. I am almost operating solely on instinct. OK, that is a bit of an exaggeration but you get the point. I remain hopeful that as I move into my new place this weekend, and life begins to take on a semblance of normalcy, that some of my old fire might return. Until then, I will continue to survive.


  1. There are alternatives to selling marijuana to pass the time. Some people prefer painting figurines/dolls but I know that's not your thing! Perhaps you could consider practicing meditation or yoga to clear your mind and relax.

  2. Hahaha! Someone actually took you seriously? Hang in there honey! You're doing great.