I am at a point in my life right now where confusion reigns supreme. It infects nearly aspect of my existence like a nasty case of chicken pox. In fact, if my existence had nostrils, I'm sure I would find confusion there too.
Let me give you a rundown.........
In the past eight months I have:
2.Moved out of my house in McKinney.
3.Quit my job.
4.Moved to Seattle.
5.Found a job.
6.Got my own place.
7.Considered dealing marijuana just to pass the time.
8.Only kidding about #7
You can see just from that short list that upheaval is the word of the day, week, month, and perhaps even the year. It is a well known fact that upheaval breeds confusion. See? We have come full circle in our journey. We are back to confusion.
This confusion manifests itself in a number of ways, the most obvious of which is a rather acute case of malaise. What is malaise you ask. I will enlighten you.
/mæˈleɪz, -mə-; Fr. maˈlɛz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ma-leyz, -muh-; Fr. ma-lez] Show IPA Pronunciation
a condition of general bodily weakness or discomfort, often marking the onset of a disease.
a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort.
In my case, it is definitely the second definition that applies. Things that I derived so much pleasure from before now do little for me. Reading, my 360, painting, going to the gun range, etc. None of it appeals to me right now. I am in survival mode. I am almost operating solely on instinct. OK, that is a bit of an exaggeration but you get the point. I remain hopeful that as I move into my new place this weekend, and life begins to take on a semblance of normalcy, that some of my old fire might return. Until then, I will continue to survive.