Friday, March 13, 2009

I'd like to build a flux capacitor

Picture this; a beautiful Seattle morning. Bright sunlight. Cold air. Birds singing in the trees. A warm cup of heavenly nectar (that is what I call coffee) in hand. The scene is nearly perfect.

I hop in my truck (a Toyota Tundra named Samantha), fire it up and pull out of the driveway. I am heading to work. That sucks donkey but the fact that it is Friday partially mitigates the employment induced torpor that seems to hit near the end of each work week. It all ends in an instant.

I pull up to a red light, the soothing sounds of the All-American Rejects caressing my eardrums, and pleasant thoughts (no details will be provided as to the nature of these thoughts) drifting around in my cranium. I glance at the driver to my left. It is a young man driving a Chevy Avalanche. I glance to my right and my perfect little bubble of a world shatters like a mirror struck by a thermonuclear weapon in the 15 megaton range. The driver to my right is an older gentleman. Mid 50's maybe. He is driving what looks to be a rather nice Mercedes SUV of some sort. It isn't him or his car that vexes me so however. It is his passenger. It has got to be his daughter. She is probably 14 or 15. Cute in the way 14 or 15 year olds are. (Disclaimer: That last sentence was merely an observation and not an indication that I should be registering in a government database of some sort) She is doing her makeup while talking on her cellphone. She is wearing a white tank top that I feel reveals to much. On a side note, it was about 33 degrees outside at this point. Where in the name of all that is holy was her coat? Anyway, I nearly dropped dead from a sudden realization. That man driving the Mercedes with the too mature teenager in the passenger seat will be me in only 4 or 5 years. Sooner maybe. I don't know.

I have two daughters myself whom I love dearly. For their safety, I will change their names in this blog. These aliases will be a reflection of who my girls are though. My oldest, who we will call Claire Huxtable, is 10 years old. She is smart and funny. She also tries to mother my youngest. It rarely ends well when she does this. She has a cell phone and good friends she hangs out with. She isn't a stellar student......yet. I have faith in her. My youngest, who will be known as Lex Luthor in this blog, is 7. She is brave and creative. She is also temperamental sometimes. When she grows up, she will either cure cancer or be the greatest criminal mastermind this world has ever known. I have faith in her too.

Now, I love these girls more than anything and I do my best to be greatest father to them that I can be. I fail constantly in that endeavor but I think in the case of parenting, it is the effort that counts. After observing that man this morning stare stoically out the windshield of his car while his "grown-up" daughter applied her makeup and prattled on and on to her friend, I think I may simply remove my girls from the world until they are 18. Or 45. Still deciding on that one. I consider myself to be a brave person but the thought of those two little girls growing up terrifies me all of a sudden. I worry that I haven't done enough to prepare them for the world. I worry that I haven't done enough to instill values that will see them through tough decisions they have to make. Argggh! Being a dad sucks sometimes!!!! I suppose I can only do my best and hope it all works out.

P.S. I actually googled "full body chastity belts" today.

P.P.S. I'm kidding.

P.P.P.S. Maybe.


  1. HAHAHA!!! This is awesome! I'm sure "B" will appreciate you're efforts to protect their chastity although you might want to look into lots of lotion and baby powder to avoid chaffing.